Today I’m taking the kids back to school shopping.  Last night I was reminded of the driving to the mall involved in having a teenage girl in the house when Nahm went to the mall with the other girls who are being hosted by our high school.

It’s downright dull.  Probably not the whirlwind that she was expecting.  Certainly not the gigantic, culture blending mile a minute for a year that I was expecting.

There are a lot of youth exchanges out there, but I believe AFS was one of the first, if not the first.  It’s mission is breathtakingly large – to promote peace through understanding.  I think its method is brilliant, and downright subversive.

Because I think a lot of what happens in supporting AFS’ mission – creating peace through understanding – happens in the mundane.  A year is too long for the student’s experience to be a whirlwind of  excursions and sightseeing.  A lot of time in a year is sitting around the house time.  Eating dinner time.  Grocery shopping time.

And it is true.  Once you’ve lived with someone, it becomes harder to paint them with that “other” brush.  Because once you live with a person for a while, what you see is the ways they are like you, or like other people that you know and love.

Brilliant in its simplicity.  Using teenagers to accomplish this?  Downright subversive.

Today is the birthday, on the other side of the world, of a man I have never met.  A man I may not ever meet.  A man who is doing my family the honor of sharing his daughter with us.  It increases my stake in what happens in his country.  It helps me to see with new eyes, and to hear with new ears.

Walk together talk together all you people of the earth, then, and only then, shall we have peace – AFS theme song, circa the touchy feely 70s.

Another host parent told me that Verizon let him add a line to his family plan with no contract, since he had an old phone that was his own equipment that he could use.  I was eligible for an upgrade on my phone, so I upgraded that, gave Nahm my old phone, and bada bing, bada boom!  Phone issue, Solved.

Tonight we are solving the issue of teenagers that haven’t had a break from sitting around the house, by going out for dinner.

The kids have fallen in to a really lovely brother/sister rhythm with each other.  She is definitely the older sister, what with the eye rolling, but he has also developed a protective streak.

They are fun.  I love them.

“We defied death and went…. to the grocery store….”

“We had an exciting weekend…. cooking at home….”

The adventure here, is in the mundane.

Learning things like, well, like teenagers? Fundamental similarities, all over the world.

Yesterday Nahm, my helpful child, came in while I was washing dishes and offered to help. And as I started to say yes, I thought to ask – “wait. Are you just coming in here because you don’t want to read The Old Man and the Sea”? She looked down, turned around, and headed back to the living room.

Hey. I’ve been training for this host mom gig for the last 22 years.

Score!

This is a different kind of karma – the kind where your own shortcomings are clearly laid out and illustrated for you by the juxtaposition of the good that is possible.

She is engaged and engaging.  When she is sad, or feeling nervous, or just feeling down without knowing why, she says so, opening up possibility for communication.

She is kind to my child.  To my husband.  To me.  So far, this experience is making me face my own shame at my brooding rage, my baffling 16 year old behavior toward people attempting to welcome me to their homes.

Perhaps in facing it, I can begin to heal it, and let it go and embrace what was good.

When we went to pick them up, there was a low hum of laughter and chatter, sort of like the kind that makes me never want to walk into a mac store again.  Or like a vuvuzela.

They seemed to have a really nice time.

When we got home we sat and talked a bit, and Nahm told me a little more about her family at home.

In the car on the way home, the kids had the giggles so hard that I had to check and see if they were all right.  Nahm tried to teach Scott to count in Thai, and Charlie tried to teach Nahm to count to ten in German, which made her say “Stop teaching me that!”

A good day, all in all.

The snippets of conversation are hysterical.

Nahm, trying to teach Charlie words in Thai.

“I don’t want to say that…”

“Oh, I am sad.  My brother doesn’t like the country his sister is from…”

a little later….

“When someone sneezes, you can just say ‘Buddha bless you…’”

“I think I don’t want to…”

Little snatches, questions and answers about her home, her country, her religion, accompanied by the clinking of silverware and plates, and the gentle splash of the sink.

First, and most impossible thing.  Getting Nahm set up with a cell phone is becoming ridiculously hard.  We can’t change the sim card in her cell phone, as it turns out her phone is locked.  That was our first plan.  We have been to AT&T.  She said she thought her friend knew how to unlock a phone, but then she remembered that it might be illegal to do it in the US.  Then we went to Verizon.  Their plans were more expensive than she wanted to spend, even on the pre-paid level.  There is light in the tunnel, though, I think.  I think that the next step is to look in to adding her to my existing plan.  The only issue there is that we need to do a two year contract, but the savings might be worth it.  We’ll see.  So I have to call Verizon.

We got her hooked up with a laptop, which, for some unknown reason, will not connect to our wireless service.  Scott just took that one back to the store to see what they have to say.  I am hopeful.

We did, however, got her signed up for classes.  She’s on a science track in Thailand, and takes 3 sciences a year.  Here, she was disappointed that she could just take one.  So, she’s taking Physics, which she thinks she needs to keep practicing so she won’t forget, and Biology, which is her favorite.  Students here take Biology in their sophomore year, so she’ll have Biology with Charlie.  She is also required to take PE for her school at home, which is also not offered to Juniors and Seniors, so she and Charlie will have that together.  She’ll be taking Painting for half the year, and Ceramics for the other half, so I am looking forward to some artwork.

Charlie also made some adjustments to his schedule, so he’ll be taking Geometry, basic programming (Not to be confused with BASIC programming, I think) and AP European History.  And in the spring, Driver’s ed… Gulp…

Oh, yeah.  This post has nothing to do with grapes.

Nahm has a great sense of humor, which helps, I think, in this family.  Charlie remains crazy about his new big sister.

The computer puzzle is solved.  Tomorrow we solve the class registration puzzle.  The cell phone puzzle still has me baffled.

I’m not sure how this whole experience would be with a different kid, but she is open, and upbeat, which are probably necessary qualities for living in this family.

Nahm thinks that these noodles are the bee’s knees

They make her so happy

Unfortunately, the noodles make Charlie very angry…

Charlie thinks that, perhaps Nahm would prefer some of his drink.

Nahm thinks Charlie’s drink looks interesting, but she is unwilling to fully commit….

Nahm thinks “I can’t believe you drink this.”

Charlie thinks, “I can’t believe you eat those infuriating noodles”

Charlie can’t believe that Nahm likes those infuriating noodles.

Nahm thinks that Charlie is silly, and that her noodles are far superior to Charlie’s drink.  Together, they eat noodles, and drink drinks.

At about 4 yesterday, after all the running around, Charlie and I schlepped Nahm’s flowers into the car, and drove down to UD to pick her up.  We hugged hello, and her first question was “Where’s Dad?”  I explained that Scott was finishing getting her room done, because, you know, that’s how we roll…

We took some photos…

After pickup we drove to the CSA to pick up our veggies.   May I say, I needn’t buy anymore veggies this week.  They are in the heart of production season, I would say.  They gave us our bag, and said, “and you get four pounds of tomatoes…” after I had weighed out two pounds I told her I didn’t know what I would do with four pounds.  While I was picking produce, Charlie took Nahm to feed the chickens.

We had a great getting to know you talk on the way home, acknowledged our mutual nervousness, asked our questions.  I apologized for my tendency to talk really slowly, and YAY!  Finally someone who likes that!

Nahm seemed to really like the color of her room, and the bookshelves, and I think was glad to see Scott, covered with paint though he was.

We went for Thai food, and no one thought I was funny when I asked if she liked Thai food, but whatever.  I had forgotten that our local Thai restaurant, where the food is very good, is notorious for bringing it out when it is ready, meaning some people sit with no food and wait and wait and wait… This was, of course, Nahm…  She asked if that was normal for American restaurants, for food to take so long, but we finally got her fed.

Then we came home and settled in.  We had a skype talk with Nahm’s Father, and got her unpacked and settled in.  She brought a funny squawking chicken for the dogs, which terrifies them, and may be our new method of disciplining Chadd.  The boys found this hysterically funny.

She seems to fit in well with the boys, and wanted to ride to the restaurant and home with them, sit with them, and talk with them.  After a bit, they went to pick a friend of Andy’s up from work, while Nahm was unpacking.  As we settled in, she asked if she could take a shower and go to bed, but I told her that she had to wait two hours.  She thought I was serious, so that bit of translating may take a while.

Her English is very good, which is helpful, because my Thai is very bad.

Just as she got in the shower, we found her mother on skype, so they had a chance to chat a little.  Her family seems very nice, and we are so grateful to them.

I noticed at dinner that I was feeling a little sad that she would be leaving us in a year.  Then I remembered that I am a little crazy.